Overcoming Anger
Biblical Wisdom for Living With Peace
I still remember Gary calling me as if it was yesterday. But it wasn’t yesterday. It was 1998. Gary called. We chit chatted about a few things and then these words came through the receiver of my phone:
“Bart, I think you have some anger issues to deal with.”
What?!?!? Who has Gary been talking to? What does he know? What makes him think I’ve got anger issues?
But Gary was right. I did have some anger issues. These anger issues would result in me flying off the handle, overreacting to situations, saying things I shouldn’t say and doing things I shouldn't do. I’d been that way since I was a kid. And now, for the first time in my adult life, someone who loved me and cared for me was bringing it to my attention.
In the world we live in, it is all too easy to succumb to the destructive emotion of anger. The level of stress, anxiety and unbridled emotion that we see being displayed everywhere makes it easy to get caught up in the middle of all of it.
I’m a follower of Jesus. And because of that, I realized that I needed to work on my anger issues. My anger was not God-honoring and was certainly not doing anything to help others see Jesus in me. 25 years after that phone call from Gary, I live as a man who has learned to control his anger. I’m not perfect. I can still lose it and act like a knucklehead from time to time. But more often than not, I can gain control of my anger before it controls me.
“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Uncontrolled anger not only harms our relationships but also damages our physical and mental well-being. However, the Bible offers profound wisdom and guidance on how to overcome anger and cultivate a spirit of peace. In this article, we’ll explore key passages from Ephesians 4, James 1, and Proverbs 29:11 to gain insights on how to effectively manage and overcome anger.
1. Recognizing the Destructive Nature of Anger
"Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end." - Proverbs 29:11
Anger, when left unchecked, can lead to destructive behavior and damaged relationships. It is crucial to acknowledge the harmful effects of uncontrolled anger and the importance of seeking a path of self-control and inner peace.
2. The Call for Self-Control and Renewed Mindset
"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." - Ephesians 4:26-27
This passage emphasizes the need for self-control in managing anger. We are encouraged to confront and resolve our anger in a timely manner, ensuring it does not fester and lead to sin. Moreover, the verse points out that prolonged anger provides an opportunity for the enemy to sow discord and bitterness in our hearts.
To overcome anger, we must cultivate a renewed mindset. Ephesians 4:31-32 encourages us to "let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." By replacing negative emotions with kindness, forgiveness, and compassion, we can transform our hearts and create an environment of healing and reconciliation.
3. Embracing Trials and Finding God's Wisdom
"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
- James 1:19-20
This passage reminds us to be slow to anger and quick to listen. Often, our anger stems from misunderstandings or miscommunications. By actively listening and seeking understanding, we can defuse potential anger-inducing situations.
James 1:2-4 also reminds us of the value of trials and difficult situations which can often result in anger.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
In times of trial, rather than succumbing to anger, we are encouraged to embrace them with joy, trusting that God is working in and through our circumstances to refine our character and deepen our faith.
4. The Power of Forgiveness and Love
"forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32
Forgiveness is a powerful antidote to anger. When we choose to forgive others, we release the burden of anger from our hearts and open the door to reconciliation and healing.
1 Peter 4:8 reminds us that "love covers a multitude of sins." By cultivating a spirit of love and extending grace to others, we can diffuse anger and foster harmony in our relationships.
As husband, dad and friend to others - not to mention a pastor, as well- it is important for me that people see God’s Spirit working in me rather than a man controlled by his emotions. In Galatians 5, Paul the Apostle cites patience and self-control as two of the ways that we see the Spirit bearing fruit in our lives. Those are characteristics that want to be used to describe me. How about you?
If you struggle with anger, here are a few books that might help you:
Good and Angry by David Powlison
Forgiving Forward by Dr. Bruce Hebel and Toni Hebel
Uprooting Anger by Robert D. Jones
Forgiving Forward also offers an online course that you might find helpful.