How to Stop Fighting About Money
If you’ve been married for more than a few days, there’s a good chance that you’ve experienced some level of conflict with your spouse about money. Money is one of the most common sources of tension and conflict in marriage.
Different couples manage that conflict and tension in different ways. Some ignore it and let it fester, some fight with heated battles and some learn to navigate the conflict in a healthy constructive way.
James Cordova, author of “The Marriage Check” says,
"It's rarely the math that couples are really arguing over. It's what the money means to us emotionally, and if you don't address your emotions, it's like looking for your car keys under the street lamp when you lost them in the bushes."
Be Honest About Your Hopes, Dreams and Worries About Money
All of us bring hopes and expectations about money into our marriage. We also bring fears, worries and experiences defined by our family of origin. This is perfectly normal. So if you and your spouse find yourselves at odds about your finances, you can check that box - “We are normal.” But don’t stop there.
It's important for couples to have open and honest conversations about money to ensure that both partners feel heard and understood. You will need to implement some strategies for talking about money in your marriage in a healthy and productive way.
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The first step in talking about money in marriage is to establish open and honest communication. This means being willing to listen to your partner's perspective and to share your own thoughts and feelings about money. It's also important that you are willing to work together to find solutions that work for both of you.
Another key strategy for talking about money in marriage is to set clear financial goals. This means identifying what you both want to achieve financially, such as paying off debt, saving for your child’s education, saving for retirement, or buying a house. Having a clear sense of what you're working towards can help you stay focused and motivated during difficult conversations about money.
It's also important to establish a budget and to stick to it. A budget is a tool that can help you track your spending and ensure that you're staying within your means. It's important to be realistic and to include both fixed and variable expenses in your budget. This will give you a clear picture of your financial situation and help you make informed decisions about how to allocate your resources.
Another strategy for talking about money in marriage is to establish roles and responsibilities. This means identifying who will be responsible for certain financial tasks, such as paying bills or managing investments. Having clear roles and responsibilities can help to reduce tension and conflict, as it ensures that everyone knows what is expected of them. But take note; just because one person is responsible for one areas of your finances does not mean that the other person is left out of decision making about that area. You should have regularly scheduled “Budget and Finance Meetings” to make sure that you both know the details of your finances and financial decisions.
Finally, it is critical that you have a safe way to be open and honest about any financial mistakes or challenges that may arise. This means being willing to admit when you've made a mistake and to work together to find a solution. It also means being willing to ask for help if you need it. Being open and honest about financial challenges can help to build trust and strengthen your relationship.
Remember that talking about money in marriage is not a one-time conversation. It's an ongoing process that requires ongoing communication and collaboration. Talking about money in marriage can be challenging, but it's an essential part of maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.
